Rita's Poetry and Writing Page

This page was made for sharing some of the poetry, songs, and a short story  that I have written

The following is dedicated to a very dear friend, thank you Jon, for allowing me to find peace and love in your gentle embrace.

EMBRACE

Missing You

When I am with you

My soul soars to great heights

My heart sings with joy

I find peace

Apart I pine for you

I live each day to be with you again

I yearn for your tender touch

I sigh as I sit and dream

I  pray for the day

That our time apart will soon end

And we can spend all the rest of our days

Nurturing and loving each other

Rita Teubner, April, 2002

copyright

SHEDDING THE PAST

My present life is like that of a snake, I had to shed many different skins before I could move on:

        I started by shedding the skin of unhappiness, of living in a jumbled up world, which held me hostage and kept me away from my fellow man.

        Next came the skin of fear, which kept me living like a hermit, and living in a world of isolation, fearful of contact with others, who might see and sense the fear and desperation inside me.

        Next came the cloak of darkness, so that people would not be able to see the hopelessness and despair from years of living a lie, living a life sheltering and protecting that which was abusive and emotionally barren.

        I had to shed the skin of self-pity, which was generated by the inability to move on, the feelings of inadequacy generated by the lack of desire and motivation in the stranger I was living with.

        I had to shed the illusion that things would change, that if I did something different, or continued to try to assist the other individual I was with, that things would get better, or more bearable to live with.

        I had to shed the skin of self-loathing, and to take a good look at the person I was, break down the walls that had been built around the wounded heart that hid so well from the world I was living in.

As these different skins were shed, I realized that I was indeed part of the Divine, I have gifts and talents that will be appreciated by those I surround myself with.  I discovered the more I opened up the doors that had been closed to the soul and let my light and love shine forth to those I was in contact with...

I again started to see and love that essence that makes me unique and the love and compassion that makes me who I am, which will draw to me those that are supportive and accepting of this person.  This is giving me more and more freedom every day to share that which gives me purpose and fulfillment in my life, bringing those who are hiding behind walls, or skins of their own, that need broken down or shed, into the light that is special and unique to who and what they are, a child of the Divine, to be treated with love and respect by all who come in contact with them.  For this is our right as a child of the Universe, to be loved and accepted for who we truly are, not who someone wishes us to be.

May all who are on the journey of self-discovery and self-love find peace and comfort in who they are.

   Rita Teubner - June, 2000  

    copyright  October, 2001

I am happy to say that the relationship that I was in when I wrote the following no longer exists, and my children and I are learning a new way of life together.

Anger stews and bubbles, churning inside – until it has to explode like a volcano,   leaving a trail of hurt and destruction behind.

I am like a ball being bounced about between your anger and hatred, and your periods of calm. The look of contempt and hatred in your eyes burns into my soul, leaving a brand there, to haunt me when you are not around.  I feel your contempt for yourself reflected in me, as if I were looking into a mirror.

When your anger is gone, and after satisfying your emotions, you then turn around and pour on the charm, acting like nothing happened – which has the desired effect, it confuses me.  I then turn to myself and say, "Look how nice he is being – it must be me at fault, or why would he act this way?  I must have done something to set him off."

Eventually those angry words have the desired effect. They destroy all sense of self-esteem and self-worth. It is easy for society to say "why do you stay?" Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse."  I say it is worse, for no one can see the scars it inflicts. The victim is brainwashed into thinking the perpetrator is right, and by the time you wake up, it is too late, the damage is done.

Anger is as sharp as a knife, cutting all in its path asunder. Angry words leave their mark on a soul forever, echoing around and around, constantly coming back to haunt the victim. They then in turn brew a new, fresh anger that the victim may throw back in the face of the perpetrator. It is a vicious circle, and nothing is gained by it.

I ask for help, but my words seem to fall on deaf ears.  I live each day in loneliness and fear – fear not so much for me, for I have lived my life, and made it what it is. My fear is for my children, who really haven’t begun to live, and deserve so much more. When I go to bed at night, I say a prayer that when his intense rage finally does boil over, that he decides to take it out on me, and not the children.

I say to this man – why do you wish to harm me so, what does this do for you? To see someone else destroyed by a word, a look, a sneer – Tell me …

HOW CAN THIS BE LOVE??

Rita Teubner

September, 1996, copyright October, 2001

 

 

 

 

FAREWELL

A family of five were we and in the blink of an eye, we were three. Why?? Our hearts cry out, why our beautiful girls and not us? We have lived our lives .. theirs had just begun. A lot can change in the blink of an eye, you see.

We now have an empty space in our hearts where they used to be – and now it is up to us to take that space and fill it in with our precious memories. When we said our goodbyes that fateful day you were lost to us, there was not a thought in our minds that you would not return after your vacation into our loving arms once again. We did not realize this was our last good-bye, our last hug, kiss, and the last precious moments we would have together.

Life is short, live it to the full – no regrets have we, for we made sure the precious gifts we received were nourished and watered and grew strong and straight, their branches reaching to the sky. Children are a gift, they bring both love and trials to our lives. Don’t get caught up in the trials they bring, enjoy their laughter and concentrate on the joy they fill your lives with.

As we now wander through the silent, empty house, we open our minds and hearts, and let the memories flood our senses. We feel all the emotions those moments provided once again, yet also let them soothe our bruised and battered spirits.

Our little girls grew up so fast, yet they explored the world with enthusiasm and gusto. What joy and happiness they brought to us, and as we try to recapture those feelings and memories, we realize how much our lives have changed.

All the firsts we went through together – the first time we welcomed you into our home, the first time your tiny faces lit up with a smile, that first little tooth, your first tentative steps. Your journey away from us had already begun.

As you grew, those first moments continued – the first day of school, your First Communion, and as you matured into beautiful young women – the first date, how excited you were after your first kiss, the first time you got behind the wheel of a car, and that first broken heart we nursed you through ….

Your young lives were lost to us so quickly, now there is an empty void that we can never fill. Your friends and their families gave us their love and support, which got us through those horrible first days; and now reality is beginning to sink in as the shock of your loss wears off and we find ourselves alone.

Yet in the silence we feel your presence and your love, for you are with us still. We sense your presence in the gentle breeze as it caresses our faces, depositing fairy kisses on our cheeks. The warmth of your presence is felt when we lift our faces to the sun.

We hear your laughter in the rustle of the leaves as they fall from the trees, and hear your song in the soothing melody of the meadowlark. You are a part of the universe, keeping an eye on the loved ones you left behind. We feel your presence in the stillness of our hearts.

We must guard against becoming bitter and angry, as you continue on your new path. May the spirits of our beautiful young ladies take flight and soar on angel’s wings, amongst the soft, fluffy, cottony clouds – giggling and laughing – skipping from cloud to cloud.  Exploring, their young hearts content and at peace.

Sisters in life, sisters in death, a bond so pure it transcends all else, forevermore.

We now must say farewell and Godspeed, Kimberly and Patricia – may you be at peace. We look forward to meeting once again. Until then you will be …… forever young – forever beautiful – forever in our hearts.

Rita Teubner McDougall

November, 1996,           Copyright August, 1999

 

 

 

In Memoriam

"Stronger than death is the presence of the absent in the spirit of the living."

Lubin M.B.A. student Kimberly Ann Kwiat, 26, and her sister Patricia Lynn Kwiat, 21, died this summer on their way to Paris on TWA Flight 800. Kimberly and Patricia Kwiat both graduated from Ossining High School in 1988, and 1993 respectively. They were very accomplished students. At the time of her death, Patricia Kwiat was a senior at Notre Dame University. Kimberly, who graduated with high honors in 1992 from Boston College, was attending the Lubin School on a part-time basis and was employed by IBM in Tarrytown. Kimberly Kwiat was set to graduate from Lubin in January of 1997, with an M.B.A. in Management Science. She was working with Dean Peter Hoefer, director of graduate programs at the Lubin School, on an independent study project and was part of a focus group examining where Management Science is going. Dean Hoefer describes Kimberly Kwiat as being very bright and outspoken, as well as being very dedicated to what she was doing. Kimberly and Patricia Kwiat are survived by their parents, Lawrence and Barbara Kwiat; their brother, Larry Kwiat; their paternal grandparents, William and Ann Kwiat; and their maternal grandmother Helen Britz; as well as Jeff Sansone, Kimberly's companion

 

 

 

 

THE MIST

The mountain mist beckons her once again. She sits and gently rocks to and fro in Grandmother's rocker, peering out into the gray tendrils blanketing the mountains and trees.

REFRAIN: It is magic, it is mystical It is full of dreams - a fantasy world where she can be happy and carefree once again.

As she sits on the front porch of the cabin where she was born, looking out into the silent, wispy world, she feels as if she can loose herself In its embrace.

REFRAIN:

Her mind drifts off and she is a young girl once again, wild and free, running through the fields, enjoying nature in the way only a child can, encircled by the ghostly fingers of the mist.

REFRAIN:

Lost in the misty, magical world, she conjures up fantasy figures - there are knights, castles, dragons, and princesses hidden in the ghostly veil covering the earth, things of wonder and enchantment.

REFRAIN:

As the rays of the mid-morning sun filter through the soft, swiftly moving mist, The tendrils reaching out of the trees, encircling them the mist begins to disappear, leaving tiny, crystal-like droplets covering all - she sits, and rocks, and remembers.

REFRAIN:

Tears make a gentle pathway as they silently slip down her face, for the mist is now gone away, and so are her dreams of castles, dragons, knights and maidens fair, of days past, lost amongst the debris of her shattered life.

REFRAIN:

The gray veil is gone, and so is she, to re-appear again with the arrival another gentle morning mist. She will again be free of the bonds of earth, will spread her wings and soar - enveloped within the soft cocoon, dreaming of a magical, mystical, fairy tale world once again.

REFRAIN:

Rita Teubner McDougall 

November, 1995 Copyright August, 1997

 

 

 

A MOTHER'S ADVICE

You stand on the threshold of womanhood my beautiful child.  These words I leave with you to guide you on your journey.

When life has made you weary, when you fell you cannot go on, when the burdens that you carry, seem to weigh you down ...

Take a walk in the forest, open your eyes to the beauty of Mother Earth as it surrounds you.  Take time to renew your spirit.

Become one with nature.  Let the breeze gently lift you and transport you, on a magic carpet ride.

Close your eyes and imagine you are a majestic eagle, protector of the land, soaring high above the earth... floating, swaying, dancing on air.

Take a moment to imagine you are a deer, running swiftly through the forest, feeling the crisp, cool water of the stream as it cleanses and caresses your feet.

Listen to the melodic music made by the waterfall, as it rushes merrily on its way to feed the waters in the river below.  Let the sound soothe and heal your soul.

So, dear one, remember... when your heart is weary, and you've forgotten how to laugh, soak up the peace and joy in Mother Nature and renew you spirit, SO THAT YOU MAY....

Go softly, go swiftly, my warrior queen, run like the wind, to the top of the mountain, one with nature, one with the Universe.

Rita Teubner

 February, 1999 copyright October, 2001

 

 

 

 

The following is the same as the poem above, but written in song form.

BACK TO NATURE

When life has made you weary, when you feel you cannot go on, when the burdens that you bear, seem to weigh you down... 

REFRAIN:  Go softly, go swiftly, my warrior queen, run like the wind, to the top of the mountain, one with nature, onewith the Universe.

Take a walk in the forest, open your eyes to the beauty of Mother Earth as it surrounds you.  Take time to refresh and renew your bruised and battered spirit...

REFRAIN

Close your eyes and imagine you are an eagle, soaring high above the landscape; floating, spinning, swaying to nature's own music, dancing on air...

REFRAIN

For a fleeting moment you are a deer running swiftly over land, stopping to let the cool, crisp water of the stream gently cleanse and caress your tired and weary feet...

REFRAIN

Let the melodic sound of the waterfall soothe and heal your soul, as it tumbles merrily down to feed into the flowing river below...

REFRAIN

When your heart is weary, and you've forgotten how to laugh, take a break with Mother Nature and renew your spirit - so you may...

REFRAIN

Rita Teubner 

 February, 1999 copyright October, 2001

 

 

 

 

 

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The music you are listening to is Enchantment from "The Merlin Mystery" by Alkaemy