SEASONS OF LIFE
Our lives can be
compared to the Four Seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.
In Spring we see a renewal, which reminds us that life continues on. The branches in the trees, which have been bare all winter, are covered with green buds. The birds begin their early morning chorus once again, as they start building their nests for their young. Mother bird lays her eggs in the nest, and covers them with her body to keep them warm. Soon the eggs will begin to crack as the new little, fuzzy creatures make their appearance. Little green shoots peep out of the ground and start reaching for the sun. Soon the world is once again awash with color, the green grass needs mowed, the flowers need nurtured, spirits are high as we can enjoy the outdoors once again.
The Cycle of Life
I feel you growing inside me, little one, and my heart wants to burst with joy. At first I didn’t care for how you made me feel. My stomach always felt like I’d just come off a roller coaster ride. I was tired all the time, but when I felt the first flutter of your tiny hands and feet, I was full of energy once more.
As you grew, so did my love for you. Soon I felt like a beached whale. I could no longer see my tired, swollen feet. There were many restless nights when I got no sleep – after all, it took five minutes to turn from side to side.
Then the big day came. After the shock of the first big pain, I was filled with joy and fear. I knew I would soon see the little person who I felt I knew so well, yet I was afraid you wouldn’t be “perfect.”
As wave after wave of pain hit, I kept thinking “Why did I do This to myself??” I just wanted to get up and go home. Then you were here. There were tears in my eyes when they placed you on my abdomen. For the first few minutes I was busy taking inventory, making sure everything was there. In my eyes you were perfect.
The memories of pain quickly fade as you grow and mature. Someday, my beautiful child, I hope you, too, will experience the pride and love I felt at the moment of your birth. As the Cycle of Life Goes On.
Rita McDougall, May, 1990
We have a beautiful little infant, who needs nurtured and loved by the parents. Needless to say, this child doesn’t come with an instruction booklet, and here we should turn to those of Winter to ask advice of their experience in the past. I really don’t think parents realize just how precious those first years with their young ones are. These are the years where we must lay a solid foundation for the future. When I look back now there are things I would do differently. Children need structure and must be taught from the beginning to respect people and property. Enjoy their dependence on you. Grandparents seem to thrive on the dependency of our youngsters, whereas parents sometimes resent this. I think they truly appreciate the Spring time for what it is, new life which can be molded and gently persuaded to grow in the right direction. Parents and Grandparents can be likened to the stakes which are set in the ground with tomato plants, they are there to see that small plants grow straight and true.
These
little ones begin to explore and branch out, starting on the way of the path
toward summer. They go to school
and the journey away from home and the security Mom and Dad provide has now
begun. They learn the tough lessons
of life, that they may be trampled on if they are not careful. The first few grades are fun-filled days with very little
responsibilities. They learn how to
negotiate with others and socially interact with their peers.
Our little birds must now be let out of the nest to test their wings.
Moms tend to hover about anxiously and must understand that they should
not interfere with this all important learning period.
How can they learn to fly if she doesn’t?
In the late Spring of their lives the parents see a change taking place in their role, one must teach their child to respect both a person’s property and their bodies. Respect is earned and it must be mutual. I have found that if a child is treated with respect and not as an object for the parents to push and pull around at will, he or she will respect you back. One of the most precious gifts a parent could give a child at this age are choices. We must give them freedom to choose, and hopefully they will choose wisely. By doing this we put them on the path to independence and success. As they grow and mature, these little ones have many lessons to learn and the indulgent parent does not teach these necessary lessons. They must learn to negotiate with others, the lessons of give and take.
I’d Like To Fly
I am a twelve year old child – confused, caught between two worlds.
The grown-up world beckons me – I want to be included in the adult conversations, yet am puzzled by most of what is said.
I sometimes want to go back to those safe, warm wonderful days of childhood where there is no responsibility. I lived in a beautiful world, wrapped in the fluffy cocoon Mom and Dad provided for me.
I am frightened by my new responsibilities – to my teachers, family and friends. There are busy days at school, homework and slumber parties to attend.
I want to spread my wings and fly – yet I want to cling to the past, with my feet firmly on the ground.
Please world – be good to me. I step forward to the future filled with hope glad to have my family, teachers and friends to cling to while I try to spread my wings. With their help, love and understanding – along with God’s guidance – someday I’ll be able to soar.
Rita McDougall April, 1990
All
too soon the children are on the threshold of Summer, the season of play and
enjoyment socially. There are many
more lessons to learn about life. Hopefully,
the parents have given plenty of fertilizer to those children, for this is when
they will begin to fall back on the advice which has been imparted over the
years.
Summer brings the warm sun upon one’s face, new flowers and the baby birds are flying about on their own. The trees are green and are beginning to produce apples, peaches, etc. The first sun-ripened tomatoes are set on the table, to go with the hamburgers fixed on the barbecue grill. There is an abundance of produce available and the world seems wonderful.
Mom and Dad no longer know anything and it seems as if our children feel more for those friends they find on the outside than they do for you. They are trying to deal with hormones which we all know do strange things to our bodies. Most of them go into their last growth spurt and have bottomless pits for stomachs. They are all arms and legs, like the young colts one sees in the country. They look awkward and gangly and now become aware of how much appearance means to others. The young girl who wouldn’t take any showers and spends all of her time in front of a mirror. One day they come home from school in tears because their best friend will not speak with them, the next they are all excited because their best friend did speak to them.
Towards the end of summer we get the terrific heat which has a tendency to wither things. Some of the plants will die and the grass will get brown from lack of water, as it does not rain as it does in the Spring. The ground is hard and there is nowhere for roots to grow into the soil. The plants and vegetables in our gardens will wither and die in the heat unless they are kept watered by an outside source.
So, too, this is with our children. As they enter the summer of their lives they become more and more emotional and have a tendency to want things their own way. This is a time of confusion and sorrow for both parents and children. When asked to do anything, the young teenager will smart mouth you back with things like “I do all the work around here,” “I hate you, I wish you were dead.” These are the mild things that are said, I will leave the rest to your imagination. The young girl who wanted to be just like Mom when she grew up now wants nothing to do with Mom. Suddenly she is embarrassed to be seen anywhere with Mom. I would suggest here that you let them choose their own clothing, I have bought outfits that were never worn many times, because they just really didn’t like them. It is much easier to avoid the dissension this would cause, and let them choose their own clothing.
The young man looks at his Father in a totally different light, as well. The man he has worshiped all along suddenly becomes the enemy, and knows nothing. He begins to see Dad without the rose colored glasses on. In our home this has also brought with it the re-emergence of the “clown.” Our son teases his sisters incessantly, not happy unless they are running around the house screaming at the top of their lungs.
As these children “ripen” and grow in the summer sun, they must meet all kinds of new challenges. Mom and Dad must now begin the sad process of letting go. Our children need to experience life for themselves. Of course, you want to protect and coddle them, but if you do this, how are they to learn about life? This is a time when there seems to be a special bond between the Winter and Summer people. Teenagers tend to have a better rapport with their grandparents than with their parents. Parents … do not resent this, make it work to your advantage. Let the string go on the kite and let your teenager fly. If you have given them a good moral background, you will be astounded at the choices they are capable of making. If they do fall, teach them how to salvage what they can from the situation, learning how to make a potentially bad situation turn around and be good.
As I think back to my days of summer, I really didn’t think my parents knew anything. As I reflect now, they were so full of good advice! I must admit, though, they did only give advice, they did not insist that we follow their advice. We were allowed to make our own choices, but we also were responsible for those choices. I survived, though, and went on with my life. I did indeed learn from these experiences. So, too, must my children. All one can do is pray that they are kept safe in God’s embrace during this traumatic period of time in their lives.
As the challenges increase towards the end of summer, sometimes we do need to step in and “water” our “plants” to keep them from withering away. Give the assistance they need, but without the “you shoulds” and the nagging that usually goes with it. Let your disappointment be known, but then move on. With this extra boost, these young adults will make it through the transition to Autumn.
It is during these trying times that we as parents need to seek the assistance of those Winter people in our lives to help us make it through those “teen” years with our children. We can rely on them to keep assuring us that we will indeed weather the storm and see better days ahead.
What a beautiful time of year! The nights become cool and crisp, there is a clean, fresh smell in the air. As nature takes a paintbrush to the trees, the colors abound. On the sunny, cool fall afternoons drives through the hills near our home are beautiful. The oranges, reds and yellows seem painted on the landscape. It is time for the harvest, time to store things away for the Winter. Tomatoes are canned, vegetables are put up, jams are made, warm apple pies with ice cream are consumed once again, fresh from the oven. This is a time of abundance, time to reap what has been sown.
As with the rest of nature, Autumn brings with it a set of problems as well. As in adolescence, our bodies change once again, along with our emotions and outlook on life. All of a sudden one stops and looks, really looks, at their life – who they are, what they do, where they live, etc. Of course, it is usually during this period of time that the children are in “Summer” and conflict abounds. Everything seems to go wrong. You begin to question why you bother, what will become of you, your children, and how you will cope. You begin to question what life is about. Winter people once again should be relied on to help us out here, as they can advise and council us, and we are now ready to listen to what they have to say. You see, we have learned that we do not have all the answers, and are willing to let someone give us a hand. We begin to question just what life is all about, and try to identify with some sort of “Religious” background. Life is not about collecting material things, or putting money in the bank. Life is a challenge, one after another, and what really matters is our growth and spiritual development each time we have met and defeated a new challenge and move on.
This is also a time where one can fall long and far, as we turn to things to try to ease the pain of reality. We have stored the harvest, readied for Winter, but cannot let go of our youth. Marriages fail as no one tries to pick each other up and help each other out. It is so much easier to shoulder our burdens together, than to try and carry them on our own.
Some husbands try to hang on to their youth by turning to younger women, soaking up their youthful adoration. They try to join their sons who are enjoying the summer, trying to be a pal. Soon the boost this gives turns old, and he realizes that try as he might, he cannot recapture the days of summer, and he must move on. He has left behind a trail of destruction, for he has trampled on what should have been watered and nurtured.
As the first gray hairs are noticed, the wife runs to the drug store to buy “hair color” to make it disappear. There are visits to the plastic surgeon to get rid of unsightly wrinkles. Hair styles are changed, younger looking clothes are bought, to try and disguise her age. She may become lonely, her children no longer need her, she feels emotionally adrift. The flamboyant colors of Autumn begin to fade, and she is afraid. She grasps at anything to make her feel loved and needed. The future looks bleak and the depression sets in.
One must remember that we can move on and enjoy the colors that Autumn brings. We must acknowledge that we are indeed in a different stage of life, accept that we all must grow old and decide that we want to grow old gracefully and with as much dignity as possible. It is a time of new found freedom for Moms who have been at home raising their children. They have a lot of time on their hands, and should use it to do all those things that they didn’t have time to get done before. There are college classes one can attend, volunteer organizations one can join, crafts to learn and do. The old college degree can now be put to use, but of course only after refresher courses have been taken, and she may return to the work force once again. At first it is difficult to decide what to do, but soon the newness wears off and once again a routine is established. She is soon content with her new life, and now looks forward to each new day with anticipation, wondering what new experiences it will bring. She loves the independence she has and is now able to do those things that make her happy and content.
As his wife and partner takes on a new outlook on life, so too will the husband. He suddenly opens his eyes and sees just what he has accomplished, and realizes that this should satisfy him. It is now time to slow down and enjoy life while he has his health. Why wait for retirement, one can alter one’s life and lifestyle while still in Autumn, and learn to enjoy the moment.
We now realize that our parents, who are now in the “Winter” of their lives, will not be around forever. We are sometimes forced to reverse our roles, and parent our parents as some of them fall. The emotional pain and suffering this can cause will take its toll if our life is not in order mentally, spiritually and emotionally. One must listen carefully to these Winter people, pay attention to what they have to say and file their advice away, for it will be needed some day. The day will soon come when they will no longer be here to impart their words of wisdom to the younger generation. The leaves begin to fall one by one, and we bid our loved ones farewell.
Here is a farewell of sorts to my Dad.
A Thank You to my Dad
Thank you, Dad, for teaching me to love, laugh, and play. For teaching me to hold my head up high and walk with dignity through life.
You were there when I took my first steps, to urge me on and guide me. It was you who taught me how to ride a bike, throw a ball and pushed me endlessly on a swing until I could do so myself.
You also taught me to strive to make myself better, the value of a good education and how to work hard to get ahead. If you were doing something, it should be done right. I can remember the times dishes were washed and re-washed before they passed your inspection.
When everything seemed to be falling apart with me and my family, you were there to lean on. You also taught me how to pray, and oh, how I appreciate that now – I know how to find comfort and solace in my God.
It seems, dear man, you saved the hardest, most important lesson for last. I not only have to thank you for showing me how to live and love but also for showing me how to die clothed in dignity and peace.
When the Good Lord calls me home, he surely will send you to guide me along the path to him.
Rita Teubner McDougall, July 26, 1988
So, too, do those children of Summer take their leave of us, yet they will be back if you have laid the foundation right in the earlier years. When they are treated with respect and love, these children will be compelled to return when they start their families. This is a time for us to store what will be needed for the “Winter” years, and we put money away to assist us later. We stock up on those things we are surrounded by, those things which will comfort us in our “old age.” It is the time to move on as quietly and gracefully as we can into the “Winter Wonderland” that awaits us.
As we enter the Winter season, let us reflect a moment on nature. The trees are now barren, the birds have flown south where it is warm, the animals have stored their foodstuffs for the long winter and are safe and warm in their homes. There is a quiet, peaceful feeling as you sit and watch the snowflakes gently make their way to the ground. Everything is covered in a blanket of white, sounds are muffled and the fire is crackling in the fireplace, keeping you cozy and warm. As the spouses retire, one must make a choice of which path to follow. One can enjoy the retirement and do many things with each other, exploring the world we live in without distractions. One can also enjoy one’s retirement, and grow further apart. Again, one must lay the foundation for retirement in earlier years, learning to do things with each other that are mutually satisfying.
We have now gracefully made the transition from Autumn to Winter. The children are off on their own, they now have their own families to keep them busy. The grandchildren are the light of our life, it is so much fun to enjoy them – it really makes a difference to be a grandparent, not the parent. Your Mom and Dad have moved on now, sometimes it is so lonely without them, you must draw on your precious memories to chase the sadness away. When you are young, you believe they will be with you forever. Now there is no one to turn to for advice … you are the Winter people whom the youngsters now come to. The grandchildren come to you for a good time, and to be spoiled, then are sent back to Mom and Dad. Your children have made it through Summer, and all is well. They were well-prepared and managed to get by when the heat was most intense, and it never rained. They now look at “Mom and Dad” with a new respect, for they have “been there and done that” as well.
We prepared well for our Winter years, making sure we took care of our bodies so they don’t wear out too quickly. We know how to ask for help when it is needed, instead of waiting for someone to offer it. We are together now, just the two of us. We keep ourselves busy, for a busy mind brings success and clear headedness.
We have made it through those turbulent years and are enjoying our well-earned time together. As the white snow blankets the earth, we sit and chat in front of the fire, holding hands and reminiscing about times past. We freely give advice to the “younger” generation, for we have learned many lessons. Life is good and as everything in nature is peaceful, so too are we at peace.
I guess what this all comes down to is that every generation relies on another to keep them in line, to help them appreciate what they have. In the Spring of our lives we are dependent on others for our very survival. We must be dressed, fed and watered in order to grow properly.
As we begin to learn the lessons of life, we grow and mature, and learn that we are indeed a separate entity from Mom and Dad. Hopefully, our lives are well-structured and we are being taught how to negotiate with others. Spring turns to Summer, we like to socialize and have fun. This also is a very emotional time, where we assert ourselves and break away from Mom and Dad to learn the lessons of life.
As Summer turns to Autumn, we are in the “prime” of our lives. Once again our bodies change and we need to adjust and move on. Usually during this time we begin to lose our Winter people, and realize just how finite life is. We question what life is about, and seek answers to questions that cannot be answered.
Then Winter comes, a time to reflect and teach a new generation, so that the whole cycle can continue on. In varying degrees we all need each other, for different things, at different times. In order to successfully be a “family” one must get along with all Seasons and pay attention to the lessons one learns. Only with each other will we survive .. the breakdown occurring in society today comes along with the breakdown in families. Love, nurture and cherish each other all the days of your lives! Parents, do not abandon your children, and children, do not abandon your parents and grandparents. In so doing, you continue the circle without any breaks.
Following is another of my “reflections” on life and I thought it was appropriate here.
